Don't, don't.

Heard of don’t-ing? I bet you do it, don’t you?

The act of don’t-ing is describing an action you want carried out, in the way you do not want it done. Make sense? No.

Let’s give it a try, shall we?

Now, don’t think about the fact that you are driving down a 6 lane highway. Don’t think about the 3 lanes going each way, and the nature strip in the middle.

Don’t think about that!

Now, don’t think about the palm trees in the middle of the nature strip, shading the grass, stop it, don’t think about that! Did I mention the highway had 6 lanes, 3 each side? No, don’t think about that.

Don’t see the yellow car, driving down the middle lane on the left hand side, bright yellow car. And PLEASE, don’t see the elephant that is driving.

DON’T!

Without re-reading any of the above, how much of it you can remember? Most of it? All of it? I told you, DON’T think about it! Why does it happen? Another example, first.

Little Johnny is up a ladder, the following events unfold:

Dad: “Johnny, don’t jump!”

Johnny: *jumps*

Dad: “otherwise you’ll hurt yourself!”

Johnny: *midway in flight, realises he wasn’t supposed to jump*

Johnny: *hits the ground, hurt*

Dad: “I told you, you’d hurt yourself!”

What happened?

Dad told Johnny what he didn’t want him to do. Johnny heard the action, what he thought he should do. Johnny obeyed his Dad. On the way down, Johnny then realised he got it wrong, and also realised he might hurt himself. When he did hurt himself, his Dad told him that would happen. Johnny feels stupid, hurt and disobedient.

Why doesn’t anyone listen to me?!

Well, your brain is wired to hear the action first, not the consequence. So if you tell someone not to do something by using don’t-ing, the first thing they will hear, is what you do not want done, then the brain processes the don’t, and realises you want the opposite of the action you described.

Spend some time listening to others, and notice how often directions are given by using don’t-ing. When you hear an example of don't-ing, try to think of a way to ask for the same thing, describing what you actually want done:

Don’t shout – Speak in a quieter voice, please

Don’t touch, it’s hot – keep your hands away, it’s hot

Don’t talk with your mouthful – wait until you’ve finished your mouthful, then you can talk

Dig it?

When you give direction to someone, tell them what you want done, rather than what you don't, the result might surprise you.